Things I’m Bad At…

I feel that in order to know oneself, you must understand your own personal shortcomings.  And now that we have reached the 3rd day of January, our feeds have been inundated with New Years’ Resolutions, promises to get better, and horn toots into the wind as people expound upon their own personal amazingness (amazingness?).

Say what you will, but compiling a list of my faults is more beneficial to me than compiling a list of all the things I did right.  If I did them right, why spend any more time dwelling on them?

Without further ado, here is a list of the things I am bad at:

1.  Patience.  I am one impatient asshole.  Not only that, but I’m not even consistent about it.  The least I could do is ALWAYS be pissy.  But no…catch me on a bad day, and I will make you regret how long it took you to get down those stairs when I was calling your name.

2.  Respect.  Now, I’m respectful almost all the time…except during a few months every fall…FOOTBALL SEASON.  Let me just go ahead on the record of saying that I am a Bama fan deep down into my SOUL.  I BLEED crimson.  The second I stepped onto that campus my freshman year, toting all my belongings and looking in awe at the quad, tree lined streets, and beautiful old buildings, I knew I was home.  (I didn’t even move to Alabama until I was in high school…but if you ask me where I’m from, I will probably trumped my sweet home is Alabama.)  When you combine my love and pride of  my University with my…um…shall we say passionate? personality…it’s one volatile combination.  During football season, I’m a hateful bitch, spewing football statistics and talking strategy better than the men.  But…I’m not even nice about it.  Like…at all.  I will flay my opponents with my words, creating phrases that would make the devil’s hair curl.  It’s a gift, really.  Maybe I’m not so sad about this particular shortcoming…

3.  Maintaining Friendships.  Believe it or not, this has nothing to do with my first two items on this list, and everything to do with my own astonishing ability to burn bridges like a big dog.  In my short existence on this earth, I have moved…a lot.  We’re talking 4 states (really 5, but I have lived in one on two separate occasions) and countless cities, schools, jobs, and people have whirred by at the speed of light.  I do not regret all the moves we have made, because it prepared me to be a military wife and I was able to experience so many amazing things that I otherwise would have never been a part of.  However, with each move, I got worse and worse at keeping up with friends.  It was hard.  It was PAINFUL.  It kept me back from making friends in my current location.  So…I stopped keeping up with everybody.  Now, as the moves continue to pile on, I hold on to one or two really special friends from each location, and past that…I genuinely struggle with keeping up with people.  BUT HEY.  Communication is a two way street, so maybe this isn’t entirely my fault.

4.  Emotional Eating.  FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.  This one is an easy explanation.  When I’m sad, I eat.  When I’m mad, I eat.  When I’m happy, I eat.  It really has nothing to do with negative or positive emotions, and everything to do with HEIGHTENED emotions.  I mean…when I’m sad I need a cupcake to lift my spirits and when I’m happy I need a cupcake to celebrate.  Duh.  But really, I should probably find a better outlet for my emotional excess.

5.  Language.  The bad kind.  The filthy kind.  The kind where I say “fuck” every other word.  I’m not proud of this particular aspect of my personality, nor am I entirely sure when it began or how it started.  But damn, I have a mouth like a sailor.  Sometimes, while I’m at work, I feel all the words I can’t say build up inside me and when I’m in the car and can finally let them out, it’s like a can of biscuits busting and when you turn the can and open them, they finally have a place to go and relax.  You feel me??  This is something I should probably work on…especially before this kid pops out…but…fuck it.

 

And there you have it!  A list of things I’m bad at…and as I read over them…man…I should really work on some of this.  Is there anything you fly high on your bad banner?  Leave it in the comments!

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3 thoughts on “Things I’m Bad At…

  1. I feel like we are kindred spirits because all of the above, check! Lol however I refer to #2 as a lack of filter. In fact my boss has brought up my lack of filter at my yearly review every year. Lol I don’t hold back. Ever. I have regrets concerning that because perhaps it could be worded better and handed out with a little more class, but hey it’s a work in progress 😉

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